Apparently you make a good broom.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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