Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
