My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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