Who wears a wallet chain?!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I will pee on everything he values.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
