I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
