I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
