just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
