My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
