this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
