Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
