I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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