I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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