god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
FUCK WHALES
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize