There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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