Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
