yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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