I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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