You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
