These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
