He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
