My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
