We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
