DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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