By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
