I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
