some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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