I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize