the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
