This is not my ceiling
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
