i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
