I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
