please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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