Me too!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
