its not stalking. its research.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
