i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
