I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
