I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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