Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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