She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Come on in and take your pants off
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