I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
