You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
