She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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