Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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