WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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