hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
