your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
