Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
