I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And then my night got REAL pukey
Randomize
