I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize