Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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