So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My vagina is officially offended.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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