I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
