Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
