dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
