No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
