can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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