you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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