He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
