TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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