I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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