Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize