she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
