You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
