I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
