don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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