New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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