remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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