Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
