I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
