apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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