I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
