So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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