...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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