I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
