i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
