we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
