what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
