I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
