Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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